Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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