my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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