Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
