and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
