I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize