chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I have post one night stand depression
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