I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
