Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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