Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
