Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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