i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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