Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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