I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
