She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
