Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Someone shit on the floor
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
