I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
