i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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