I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
