theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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