i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
