the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
