I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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