She said her name was "party"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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