I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I think people are normalizing furries
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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