those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
