she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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