he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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