Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Someone shit on the floor
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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