it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
