the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
They took my balls.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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