dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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