You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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