my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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