Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
