okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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