He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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