WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
