Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i think i have two assholes
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
