I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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