never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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