I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
