im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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