I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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