a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
