I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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