I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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