i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Bring me that man meat
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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