What a fucking waste of an outfit
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
