So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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