I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
