Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
There's always time for handjobs
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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