omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
