so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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