I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
