Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
