I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
