I think my vagina is haunted
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
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Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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