I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
