her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
