Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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