Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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