at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
