I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
