is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
