I molested 6 butterflies tonight
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The power of my boobs compel you
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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