Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
