True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
