I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
