I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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