you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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