I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
