the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
