Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
operation harelip BJ is a go
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just forgot I was standing up.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
